School QuipsLuke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?”
“Not enough,” Luke replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!
Mom: That’s great. What in?
Stevie: A 40 in reading and a 60 in spelling.
What kind of school do you go to if you’re…
…an ice cream man? Sundae school
…a giant? High school
…a surfer? Boarding school
…King Arthur? Knight school
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Mark: That’s right!
Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself?
Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!
Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Phil: He has only one pupil.
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?
Johnny: In jail!
Teacher: Jimmy, can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed?
Jimmy: Yes ma’am, at the bottom.
Ralph: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Ralph: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Teacher: Why did you eat your homework, Joe?
Joe: Because I don’t have a dog.