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The Lighter Side (Aug 2019)

August 28, 2019

School Quips

Luke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?”
“Not enough,” Luke replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!
Mom: That’s great. What in?
Stevie: A 40 in reading and a 60 in spelling.

What kind of school do you go to if you’re…
…an ice cream man?  Sundae school
…a giant?  High school
…a surfer?  Boarding school
…King Arthur?  Knight school


Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Mark: That’s right!

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.

Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself?
Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!

Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Phil: He has only one pupil.

Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!

Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?
Johnny: In jail!

Teacher: Jimmy, can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed?
Jimmy: Yes ma’am, at the bottom.

Ralph: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Ralph: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

Teacher: Why did you eat your homework, Joe?
Joe: Because I don’t have a dog.

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