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The Lighter Side (Dec 2011)

December 19, 2011

THE OTHER REINDEER

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points

"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer."

The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"

The studio audience started to applaud (like the little sign above their heads said to do,) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?'"

"You know," the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. "Olive, the other reindeer..."

HOLIDAY VISIT TO THE DENTIST

This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?"

"Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!"

"That's probably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."

"Why chrome?" the man asked.

"Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

A CAT' S FAVORITE CAROLS

10. Up on the Mousetop 
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas 
8. Joy to the Curled 
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus 
6. The First Meow 
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful 
4. Silent Mice 
3. Fluffy, the Snowman 
2. Jingle Balls 
1. Wreck the Halls!

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