The Lighter Side (Dec 2013)

BETTER THAN FRUITCAKE
The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy.  One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas.  One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left.  So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church.  That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement.  I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"


SMART AND RICH
Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner.  Grandpa calls six year old Tommy over and starts asking about school, friends and other stuff he can think of.  After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is losing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested - a ten and a twenty-dollar bill.  He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten-dollar bill.

Grandpa, pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten-dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it.  Tommy grabs the other ten.  Grandpa again is surprised and upset.  He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty.

Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the twenty.  Grandpa finally shows the stunt to Tommy's dad.

Daddy's quite surprise but doesn't pay too much attention at the moment.

A few hours later, dad, who is very concerned about Tommy's poor decision, walks up to him and asks him if he knows the difference between a ten-dollar bill and a twenty.

"Of course," answers Tommy.

"So why did you always choose the ten over the twenty?" asks dad.

Tommy, with a wide smile answers, "Well dad, if I would have chosen the first twenty dollar bill, do you think grandpa would have played the game fifteen more times?"


FAMILY WARMTH
Don was tasked with bringing the Christmas decorations up from the basement, and start decorating the house and tree.  During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he slipped and luckily only fell about two steps before landing square on his behind.

His wife heard the noise, and yelled, "What was that thump?"

"I just fell down the stairs," he explained.

She rushed into the room, "Anything broken?"

"No, no, I'm fine."

There was just a slight pause before his loving wife said, "No, I meant my decorations.  Are any of them broken?"


IT'S ALL IN THE TRANSLATION
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.  One small feature bothered the visitor. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.  Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left.

At a convenience store on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.  She got upset and asked, "Don't you Yankees ever read the Bible?" He assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.  She took her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.  "See, it says right here - the three wise man came from afar."