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The Lighter Side (Dec 2019)

December 30, 2019

A few post-Christmas and New Year quips


Employees who made their office Christmas parties memorable:
  • The man who tried to photocopy his rear end, only to smash the glass and end up in the hospital.
  • The manager who took his staff out for a three-course Christmas meal and “had an emergency” when dessert arrived, leaving his team with the bill.
  • The poor soul who fell asleep on the toilet at a restaurant and woke up to find that the entire place was empty–and he was locked in.
 
Q: What did the reindeer say before telling his joke?
A: This one’ll sleigh you!
 
Q: Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?
A: Because he went down in History.
 

For those of you who have already failed your New Year’s resolution, there is always the Chinese New Year to try again.

FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying birds and 50 hyperactive humans.

Two snowmen were standing in a field, and one said to the other ‘Can you smell carrot?’
The second replied, ‘No, but I can taste coal.'
 
My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my television.
 
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
 
Q: Why was the snowman sad?
A: Because he had a meltdown.
 
Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
A: He got 12 months?!
 
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve and middle age is when you are forced to.
 
My friend asked me where I see myself in the New Year.  I don’t know.  I don’t have 2020 vision!
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