One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice from above said, “There are no fish down there.”
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”
“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “It’s the rink manager.”
A man was stopped by a game-warden with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.
“Yes sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home.”
“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!” replied the warden in disbelief.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”
“OK. I’ve GOT to see this!” The game warden was curious.
The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited…
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” the man responded.
“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.
“Call who back?” the man asked.
“The FISH!” the warden said sternly.
“What fish?” the man asked.
A guy calls his boss and says "I can't come to work today. The boss asks why and the guy says "It's my eyes." "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead...."
George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store. I want to buy three trout, he said to the owner. But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me. Why should I do that? the owner asked. So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!
Q.: What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
A.: Something catchy!
Q.: Where do goldfish go on vacation?
A.: Around the globe!
Q.: Where do fish keep their money?
A.: In a riverbank.
Q.: How do you communicate with a fish?
A.: Drop it a line!
Q.: Who do fish always know how much they weigh?
A.: Because they have their own scales.
Q.: What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A.: You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.