In the Air
A flight attendant was on the red eye over the Pacific when a water leak developed in the galley. It soaked the carpet in the rear of the plane's cabin. A very sleepy passenger, who became aware of the dampness, asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep.
A woman requested her travel agent to book an aisle seat so that her hair would not get messed up sitting by the window.
A man called to ask how was it possible that his flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and arrived in Chicago at 8:33am. The agent explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but he didn't grasp the concept of time zones. Finally the agent just said that the plane was very fast and he was satisfied.
Over the Road
In early spring a man and his wife were driving to spend their vacation in a higher elevation. They had heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions, they decided to go. Sure enough only a short way up the main road they saw a sign: Ice 10 miles. A bit later there was another, Ice 5 miles. Then they saw one that really concerned them, Ice 1/2 mile. They crawled that one-half mile until they came upon the last sign outside a small grocery store that read: Ice 50 cents.
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they approached Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They continued to argue back and forth until they stopped for lunch at a fast food restaurant. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order could you please help us settle an argument? Would you please pronounce, very slowly, where we are? The young girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrr, gerrrr Kiiiing"
On the High Seas
During the cruise ship orientation in the lounge, one of the passengers asked if the elevator went to the front of the ship.
Another asked, "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"
Two ladies were sitting by the pool and one asked a crewmember, "What kind of water is in the pool, fresh or salt?" The crewmember answered, "Saltwater." The woman answered, "That explains why the pool water is so rough."
And just in case you were still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo:
- Old world charm = No bath
- Tropical = Rainy
- Majestic setting = A long way from town
- Options galore = Nothing included in the itinerary
- Secluded hideaway = Impossible to get to
- No extra fees = No extras