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The Lighter Side (June 2019)

June 27, 2019

Comical Fourth of July tweets

  1. Remember if you've been drinking and are going to be using fireworks - make sure someone is getting it on video.
  1. If Hulk Hogan sees his shadow on the 4th of July we get six more weeks of WrestleMania!
  1. Dad, why do we celebrate 4th of July?  Well son, it celebrates our defeating the aliens that blew up the White House after which Will Smith attacked them.
  1. Don't let seeing your grandpa in shorts ruin your 4th of July!
  1. Someone told me that they don't have the 4th of July in other countries.  Seems kinda stupid to skip from the 3rd to the 5th, but whatever.
  1. Most people's 4th of July plans are really just what people do in Texas everyday - eat bbq, drink beer and light stuff on fire.
  1. Who else's parents waited until July 5 and then bought them Fourth of July shirts from Old Navy?
  1. If someone tweets "Hope you had a great 4th of July!" – they’re about to ask you for something.
  1. Don't forget to acknowledge the sad, untouched bowl of Ruffles potato chips left on an outside table at whatever 4th of July BBQ you attend.
  1. Happy 4th of July.  Can't wait to scroll through all your lousy, blurry fireworks pics
  1. 4th of July is a very special day when really smart people spend the money they've normally designated for the lottery on loud explosives.
  1. 4th of July is the best holiday because all the dogs at the party are too scared of the fireworks and so the girls have to talk to me instead.
  1. Everyone left the party with 10 fingers and 10 toes.  Lamest 4th of July ever.
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