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The Lighter Side (May 2019)

May 30, 2019
Are golfers the most superstitious people in sports?
Of all the games, pro and amateur, in the very history of the world, the gentleman's game of golf has to rank high as the most superstitious.  From clothing to rituals to lucky charms, golfers have it all.
  • Tiger Wood wears red shirts on Sundays.
  • Jack Nicklaus always has three coins in his pocket.
  • Ernie Els gets rid of every ball he sinks for a birdie because there's only one birdie per ball.
Oh yes, other sports have voodoo, too. Sports are full of superstitions.  According to the Psychological Science journal, superstitions are valued by millions of people--despite being dismissed by most as worthless and foolhardy.
As for the 27 million other golfers in the U.S.? reached out to its followers on PGA Facebook Nation.  Among the responses:
  • "Spearmint gum opens the lungs and helps clear the head. At least 3-4 strokes off right there."
  • "Ball marker and divot repair tool in the left pocket, tees in the right, small towel in the back right pocket if available. Otherwise, in the waistband."
  • "Clubs in the same order in the bag every time."
  • "Can't use ball washers. Only wet towel."
  • "Always walk up the left side of the fairways and greens."
  • "Mark my ball with a JFK half dollar. JFK's always looking at the hole."
  • "No talking about current score until the round is done. I know if I'm playing good or bad."
  • "Pre-round hacky sack, sprinting, and Ninja moves. Controlling the club is much easier when it's Ninja-fied."
And now, some jokes…

A guy on vacation finishes his round, goes into the clubhouse. The head pro says, “Did you have a good time out there?” The man replied “fabulous, thank you.” “You’re welcome,” said the pro. “How did you find the greens?” The man said: “Easy.  I just walked to the end of the fairways and there they were!”
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
A young man and a priest are playing golf together. At a short par 3 the priest asks, “What are you going to use on this hole son?”
The young man says, “A six iron, father, how about you?”
The priest says, “I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray.”
The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, “I don't know about you, father, but in my church when we pray we keep our heads down.”
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon.
He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.
Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly.
He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot.
There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally laid.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
My wife complained about my obsession with golf.  I asked her if it was driving a wedge between us.
I'm a scratch golfer.  Every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head and wonder where it went.
Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?" Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.  "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.  "Put means to place a thing where you want it.  Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?  When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
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