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The Lighter Side (Nov 2017)

November 29, 2017

Santa Stats

There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in the U.S. -- and one Kriss Kringle.
(You have to wonder about that kid's parents.)

The weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth is 333,333 tons.

The number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh is 214,206 -- plus Rudolph.

The average wage of a mall Santa is $11 an hour. With a real beard the pay goes up to $20 an hour.

To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound.  At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.

Santa Quips

Q: Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
A: Elf-is Presley.
Q: What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play?
A: Santapplause!
Q: What do you say to Santa when he’s taking attendance at school?
A: Present.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?
A: Because he had low elf-esteem.
Q: What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?
A: A dependent Claus.
Q: Why did Santa bring 22 reindeer to Walmart?
A: Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks, but just in case it was more, he brought some extra doe.
Q: What kind of bike does Santa Claus ride?
A: A Holly Davidson.
Q: What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A: Crisp Kringle.
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